I must confess that there are days when I have to say to God, "Teach me to love you more! Teach me to love you unconditionally! I really don't want to be doing this!" I think Jesus went through the same thought process in the garden, "Father, not my will but Yours!"
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I often find myself saying, "I'm so sorry, God! Those actions / thoughts do not portray that I love You!" I don't think Jesus could say that. He consistently showed His love.
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Life has been rough for me lately! I'm not sure if it's more so than what I've been through time and time again. I'm just tired! Jessica's health challenges are unrelenting. Steve is doing better but because he broke his back years ago, he often has flare-ups. The intensity of my job has elevated many notches over the last few weeks. The semester still has over 4 weeks in it. One of our sons is now among the many unemployed in our country; his wife is expecting in June. Oh, I could go on... but then there's always a reality check. I had one yesterday!
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Usually when I'm out and about supervising student teachers, I will visit one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Yesterday was unusual because I was able to get 3 visits in. As I sat outside the office waiting to conference with my last student teacher of the day, I was not prepared for what would parade before me: wheelchair after wheelchair after wheelchair, each carrying a precious living soul. Most seemed totally dependent on their caretakers. Each one was pushed by an aide toward a mini-bus as they shared laughter, joy, and encouragement with these children who live in very difficult circumstances. Most have been given up by their parents and are taken care of by the state. As I watched, tears began to stream down my face. Oh, how great the love of a parent who will give their lifetime to round the clock care for a child whether biological or not.
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My mind raced to multiple thoughts... two of which I'll share here:
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1. This is one of a few sayings that I have taped above my computer. This is a bookmark with a real nail stuck in it to emphasize the point... and what a point it is!
God is asking for that kind of love from me to Him!
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